4th SUN LENT – Tug-o’-war with God

What are we to do about the tug-o’-war we play with God?  Deny it?  Accept it grudgingly?  Red badge of courage?  Name it for what it is?  God pulls me toward living completely in trust and surrender.  I pull God toward my will to make myself great.  Yep.

As best I can discern, I grew up as a publicly docile Catholic child who knew it was risky to even notice much less name my resistance to God.  You?  And I have moved toward what I consider a more realistic view of my life.  Yes, I resist God.  Now what?

Why tug-o’-war?  What’s at stake?

Here’s a first thought about that:  I intend to surrender my life to God, to rest in the Good Shepherd’s care, to find refuge in God alone.  At the same time, I want to be unique.  I wish to make a special contribution to the world.  I want it to be mine! 

Can’t do both.  The risk of surrender is not becoming the one “God wants me to be.”  I give everything over.  The risk of becoming the one “God wants me to be” means going along unrepentantly wrapped up in my own world – more than I do even now (!)

Best I can figure now, my path involves being unique, which seems natural to me, and surrendering it all to God!  Talk about opportunity / hazard!  Tug-o’-war time!

Happy Lent! –roc,sj