4th SUN LENT – Tug-o’-war with God
What are we to do about the tug-o’-war we play with God? Deny it? Accept it grudgingly? Red badge of courage? Name it for what it is? God pulls me toward living completely in trust and surrender. I pull God toward my will to make myself great. Yep.
As best I can discern, I grew up as a publicly docile Catholic child who knew it was risky to even notice much less name my resistance to God. You? And I have moved toward what I consider a more realistic view of my life. Yes, I resist God. Now what?
Why tug-o’-war? What’s at stake?
Here’s a first thought about that: I intend to surrender my life to God, to rest in the Good Shepherd’s care, to find refuge in God alone. At the same time, I want to be unique. I wish to make a special contribution to the world. I want it to be mine!
Can’t do both. The risk of surrender is not becoming the one “God wants me to be.” I give everything over. The risk of becoming the one “God wants me to be” means going along unrepentantly wrapped up in my own world – more than I do even now (!)
Best I can figure now, my path involves being unique, which seems natural to me, and surrendering it all to God! Talk about opportunity / hazard! Tug-o’-war time!
Happy Lent! –roc,sj