24th Sunday Ordinary Time – Breaking the Code…
In my 2 recent posts, I talked a lot about my experience of riches and emptiness. I’d like to share what I understand about my motives.
“What is it to be a Jesuit? It is to know that one is a sinner, yet called to be a companion of Jesus as Ignatius was…” [Decree 2, 32nd General Congregation]
Seems to me: One of the number of things that keeps people apart from one another is the fear of being seen as – less than others, needy, angry, prideful, deceitful, greedy, fearful, lustful, slothful… I don’t see that it works to either continue to repress this stuff or to “just get over it” or to intend to do better. Doesn’t work.
From the first, I was shy, very private, and guarded about who I am. I have been taught how to pay attention to the inner workings of my life toward some freedom from both shame and pretense. I’m a good person. I’m learning to identify the less-than-publicly-acceptable emotions that drive me to operate from the shadows.
Second, I am finding a tad bit more freedom each day to live with less pretense.
Third, I believe we all struggle with similar stuff. It seems to me now that preaching, teaching, or brow-beating you about what you should do, need to do, ought to do merely reinforces the instinct to avoid looking inside.
So, I share my struggles in the off chance that someone may discover themselves to be a fellow traveler dealing with similar stuff and willing to admit it to other frail human beings worthy of trust. And that it’s been very helpful to me, and others I know, to be able to share at this level.
As each of us works on our “own stuff” together, we risk finding reasons to forgive others who also struggle. Go figure.